Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
