At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
