Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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