Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
