You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
