She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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