best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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