I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
