piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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