Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
