My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
