i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
