I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
