So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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