I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
