yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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