i don't like sucking hair
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
