the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
