end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
