I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
