New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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