just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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