Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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