The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
