i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
