Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize