tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
