Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
