living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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