I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
