You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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