respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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