Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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