Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
