and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
