I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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