my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
