Umm I'm too high to move.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
