Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
