i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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