I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
