saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
