It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This house was built for laser tag.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
