Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
