There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
