ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
