once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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