At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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