There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
