I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
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Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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