The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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