Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We are two peas in an std pod
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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