9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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