Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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