we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
