just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
