A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The ass gains better be worth it
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