had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
