I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
