Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
