those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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