it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
