so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
