I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
